Sick Little Monkey

We have a sick little monkey on our hands.

Yesterday, his nose was like a faucet.  I always thought that when I had kids of my own, their snot wouldn't bother me, and for the most part, it doesn't.  I can pick a booger out of my kid's nose without a second's thought.  HOWEVER, what has been coming out of my son's nose lately is a whole other story.  He would sneeze and a full tablespoon of ickyness would come flying out of out of his nostrils.  I would squirm and recoil and quite often call my husband wipe my son's red and sore nose. 

Caleb and I have both been sick; since I have diabetes I usually feel pretty sluggish when I am under the weather.  I am lucky that my husband has an amazing immune system and so far only has a scratchy throat.  The only good part about Caleb being sick is that he gets pretty touchy-feely.

Today Caleb woke up with a pretty warm forehead.  He was whiny and he stumbled when he walked - it would have been funny if Caleb hadn't been so pathetic and sad.  I spent the entire morning right by Caleb's side, letting him direct me.  Mostly he just wanted me next to him, which I was more than happy to do.  It was really nice to be so wanted.

The best part of the morning was when Caleb wanted to cuddle with me.  He was lying on me when we were sitting on the floor so my husband suggest that we lie on the couch.  I picked up Caleb and positioned him so he was lying on me with his head resting on my breast - really, the best pillow in the world, right?  He stayed cuddled with me for a little over an hour.  That is the longest cuddle he has ever had with me.  I was totally uncomfortable after 10 minutes, but I wasn't going to move and risk Caleb getting up and leaving the cuddles.

That one hour was amazeballs.  Having him nestled against me, the length of his body against mine.  There was a closeness there that I hadn't felt in a long time.  It was truly beautiful.

Okay, so he does want physical affection sometimes.  This means something, right?
If he didn't want it ever, we would have a longer path to take, but the fact that there are times when he does want to cuddle me and my husband means that we have something to build upon.

These little instances bring sparks of hope in my life.
I have great big fears hanging over my head every day.
Will my child think of conversation as a huge effort?
Will my child resort to violence when upset?
Will my child express affection physically?

I need these moments of comfort, of hope, of beauty, that I got to experience today.  Even if they come in a snotty, feverish package.