We got a packet from Henry Ford Hospital's Autism Center on Thursday. It was a hefty packet. Pages upon pages of questions we had to answer about our child. Knowing how important it was to mail in the completed pages as soon as possible, my husband and I tried to tackle the some 20 pages of surveys and questionnaires that night after we put Caleb to bed. After 75 minutes, we were both emotionally exhausted and had to quit.
Friday morning I was able to sleep in and I had extra energy. Getting the "okay" from my husband, I proceeded to fill out the rest of the forms myself. The entire time, Caleb protested, grabbing at my arms which is his way of asking me to follow him somewhere. Caleb doesn't understand that sometimes I am doing something else or I am busy, so he had plenty of fits. I tried to occupy his attention by putting some Curious George on the television; this did help some, but the entire morning was a battle.
But more than the physical battle with my son, I was having an emotional battle with the questionnaires. Yes or no questions to whether or not he is defiant. Well, he doesn't have the emotional maturity to know he is being defiant, but his actions may be perceived as defiant. And what exactly is "disobedient?" I mean, he is 2 years old! I give him a lot of slack because he is toddler and beyond that a toddler who doesn't understand words that are spoken to him. How can he be disobedient if he doesn't understand the rules?
Hundreds and hundreds of questions about my son and throughout it all, I just felt sadder and sadder. I didn't know if I was rooting for my son to not have the problems listed so would be normal or if I wanted to slightly exaggerate some of his behavior so that he would seem worse. Truth be told, a diagnosis of autism would provide him with 5 days of therapy, 2.5 hours a day that would be paid for insurance. As it stands right now, I am just lucky that my parents are well off and are very generous.
I don't know what I am rooting for. But maybe I just want an explanation for some of the odd behavior Caleb seems to demonstrate. Why has he been spitting so much lately? Spitting on himself, on the floor and then licking it up. He chews dog hair like it is bubble gum. He is so strange about food texture. He used to eat a decent array of food even with his texture issues, but now he is basically reduced to early toddler food including freeze dried yogurt bites, freeze dried fruit, yogurt and apple sauce in squeeze packets, dry cereal, and pretzels (his favorite thing in the whole world). At 2 years old, he is still nonverbal. He doesn't look at you when you talk to him. He actually never looks at you in the eye unless he is really tired. He never asks for a hug, and when you hug him, he doesn't hug you back.
I am a sensitive, lovey, touchy person, so a child who is so out of touch with this side of himself can be difficult to understand. I long for the day when my son expresses his love for me. For him to wrap his arms around me and say, "I love you" would be a miracle.
It took me 3 hours, but I finally finished the Henry Ford packet this afternoon and got it in the mail before our mail carrier arrived. Now I have to wait for the people at Henry Ford to review our answers and then let us know if and when we get an evaluation.
In the meantime, we start speech and language therapy at the Kaufman Center on Monday. But, that is a whole other story.
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