Tomorrow is Caleb's big appointment at Henry Ford Hospital. This is the autism evaluation that will decide whether or not our insurance sees him as autistic or not. This evaluation will determine what kind of services Caleb qualifies for right now and in the future. This evaluation decides whether or not Caleb gets to start the ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) program at The Kaufman Center.
So, a lot is riding on this evaluation, if you couldn't tell.
My stomach is all up in knots, and I am nervous as hell. I mean, this is it. The real deal.
Do I really want my sweet boy to have the real diagnosis? I mean, so far, it has just been what his therapy evaluators have suggested and what we have used to describe him. But, a hospital diagnosis? That is like, for real. Like, FOR REAL, for real.
But, if he does get the autism diagnosis, insurance will cover all sorts of awesome therapy, and Caleb will get the help he needs!
However, if they don't think Caleb is autistic, maybe he isn't really as bad as we all thought.
Maybe he is just having a bad year and we are all just over-reacting. Like, maybe tomorrow he will wake up and be like, "my bad, mom. I was just screwing with you."
I know that is a stretch, but one must always have an open mind to all possibilities.
I know that we are all hoping for an autism diagnosis. I totally get that, really I do. But more than anything, I am hoping to rewind to the point before he started missing milestones, maybe around 10 months, and give him a do-over. Wave a magical wand and give him a mystical boost so that none of this has ever happened and my monkey would be able to tell me that he loves me or hug me by actually wrapping his arms around me and squeezing. That is what I really want.
What is it going to take to make that happen?
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